How to Sabotage Your Work (Like a Pro)

I recently got a comment on one of my articles. It wasn’t angry – it was worse.

“Thanks to your content, our employees now have even more reasons to resist software implementation.”

At first, I was shocked. Then I got on a call with her. And guess what? She was right. I’ve been arming employees with arguments against change – especially when it comes to CRM systems.

But then I thought – why stop there? Why just resist, when you can completely sabotage your company from the inside?

So I sat down and listed six reliable ways to destroy productivity, stall innovation, and kill momentum.

And then ChatGPT dropped a bomb, while I used it to help me refine my article:

“This sounds like the Simple Sabotage Field Manual – a real book created by the CIA’s predecessor to teach operatives how to bring down enemy organizations from within.”

And the crazy part? I’ve worked with companies that follow this playbook perfectly – without even realizing it.

So I downloaded the manual, studied the tactics, and wrote this article. As you’ll read, which of these techniques are alive and well in your company?

If you’re new to this blog, I’m Jeff Tilley, a CRM consultant. Today, I’m teaching you how to make things not work.

Let’s begin!

Large Committees

Let’s kick things off with my all-time favorite way to bring any project to a screeching halt: form a committee. The bigger, the better.

About five years ago, I was working with a construction company in Eastern Europe. They had a manager – let’s call him Andy. Nice guy. Polite. Well-educated. He sounded like someone who gets things done. Andy reached out saying they were looking for a software solution, and our company seemed like a perfect fit. We jumped on a call, and ten minutes in, he said: “Let’s organize a call with a broader group of decision-makers.”

Music to my ears. A client who wants to involve decision-makers? Fantastic. I prepped a full deck, sent out invites, and waited for the big day.

That day came. I gave the presentation. And then Andy chimed in: “Great presentation. Maybe we should also bring in… an expert?” Of course, the expert wasn’t available. So we postponed. Until next week. Next meeting: same story, but now seven people showed up. Guess what happened? Nothing. And that’s the magic of large committees.

Here’s why this sabotage technique works so beautifully. First, it dilutes responsibility. In a crowd, no one’s accountable. If a bad decision is made, you can always say, “Well, everyone else agreed.” And since they were all part of it, no one’s motivated to admit it was a mistake. Perfect cover. Second, it kills discussion. Especially when you invite just the right mix of unqualified participants. Add a few clueless voices, and suddenly smart people go quiet. They feel awkward. They feel shame. And that’s when the wheels come off.

Pro tip: praise the dumbest idea in the room. Then say, “Let’s hear more expert opinions.” Now you’re really cooking with gas. From experience, I’ve found that groups of 10 to 12 people are ideal for maximum dysfunction. It’s just enough to stall momentum and too many for decisions, but it’s the right size for the illusion of progress.

So next time someone suggests “looping in a few more people,” say yes. Then add a few more. And watch the chaos bloom.

Delay Decisions

Another excellent way to sabotage your work is to delay decisions. Never decide anything on the spot. Always ask to gather more information, consult experts, and seek approval from someone above you. While getting that approval, be as vague as possible. Complicate things. Confuse your decision-makers. And, of course, request even more information. The key is to distract attention with unnecessary layers of complexity.

Take something simple – like choosing a new coffee blend for the office kitchen. Sounds easy, right? Not if you’re a true professional.

Try saying this: “Before selecting a vendor, we should revisit our internal refreshment procurement framework to ensure alignment with both employee satisfaction metrics and our sustainability goals. Also, we may need to launch a cross-departmental tasting pilot – perhaps one blend for marketing, another for tech – to accommodate different caffeine sensitivity profiles. And just to be safe, let’s initiate a small task force to explore if this initiative can be tied into our DEI strategy via fair-trade partnerships.”

Still too clear? Go one step further – don’t even mention coffee at all.

Say: “We’ve identified a low-intensity morale dip in the mid-morning productivity curve, potentially linked to unstructured communal engagement patterns. To address this, we’re exploring a sensory stimulus intervention within shared operational zones, with special focus on olfactory and gustatory impact points. Early-stage conversations are underway to define vendor-neutral input channels that could foster spontaneous cross-functional interaction – ideally without disrupting workflow continuity.”

In other words, stay professional. Say nothing directly. Delay, delay, and delay again. Because the last thing you want is an actual decision.

Promote the Least Competent

I once joined a CRM project as a Salesforce consultant and was advised to speak with their marketing director to understand how we should integrate the company’s marketing efforts into their CRM system. I scheduled a call with him, and what followed was a long, eye-opening conversation where I found myself explaining to the marketing director what a lead is. At one point, it became clear he didn’t even know they were running ads. I won’t speculate on how that’s possible, but I will say this: the person who promoted him? Now that’s real talent.

And that’s exactly what you should do. Find the least competent person in your company. Gather feedback about them. Write glowing performance reviews. Use every tool at your disposal to get them promoted into a role they have no clue how to perform.

This is, hands down, one of the most effective ways to sabotage large projects. I once worked for a company where our so-called “People Leader” had close to zero soft skills, and if charisma could be measured, his score would’ve been negative. The result? Employees left. Customers followed. And the company posted six-figure losses by year’s end.

Now that’s how you do your job… brilliantly.

Reopen Discussions

Let me circle back to that Eastern European client I mentioned at the beginning of this article – the one who loved gathering massive groups for every meeting. Turns out, he had another hidden talent: reopening decisions. Constantly.

Yes, we eventually won the project, though it took nearly a year to get the contract signed. Once we got started, our goal was to implement a CRM system. And as with any software rollout, we had to make a few fundamental decisions – like defining what counts as a Lead, mapping out the Sales process, and agreeing on what qualifies as a Closed Won or Closed Lost opportunity. Simple stuff, right?

So we reached the point in the project where those decisions had to be made. I sent a clear email with a few questions to clarify these terms. A regional manager responded promptly with a solid, reasonable proposal. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a great place to start.

But Andy? Andy had higher standards. Apparently, replying to an email wasn’t “professional” enough. So, he pulled everyone into a meeting.

In that meeting, we challenged the regional manager’s proposal, made a few small tweaks, and agreed to move forward. Great – decision made.

Until the next meeting.

We were discussing a completely unrelated topic when someone new – someone who hadn’t been involved in any of the previous conversations – joined the call. And that’s when Andy struck.

“Hey Tony, what do you think about this business process we’ve drawn here?”

Classic Andy. Always revisit. Always re-evaluate. Never let a decision live too long without doubting it. Because as a true professional, you should never settle on anything. Progress is dangerous. Fast decisions are reckless. And if things move too quickly, you might not get to burn through the full project budget.

So the rule is simple: keep reopening what’s already been decided. Always.

Refuse to Use the Software

Next: refuse to use the software – or any tool your company is trying to implement – and justify it with two golden phrases: “It’s not ready yet” and “It just takes too much time.”

Here’s the thing: there’s no objective measurement for when software is “ready,” and no universal standard for what’s considered “fast.” What one person can do in seconds, another can claim takes hours. Be that person. Always be that person.

Your job is to hunt for the tiniest bugs, the smallest inconsistencies between how the software behaves and how the real world should work. Fixate on edge cases – those rare scenarios that only happen once every leap year, but which clearly prove the system is broken. Dig deep into your experience and bring up the most complicated, exception-riddled situations where human creativity was needed to solve a problem. Then argue that no software could ever account for that nuance.

That’s how you build the case: this tool is misaligned with reality, and until it adapts to every unpredictable detail of your day-to-day work, neither you – nor anyone else – can possibly use it.

Hold Meetings and Speeches

And finally, don’t forget the cornerstone of effective sabotage: hold unnecessary meetings – and fill them with long, meandering speeches.

Never, ever, ever discuss anything in a chat. That’s efficient. Instead, schedule a meeting. Invite as many people as possible. Remember the golden rule: the more attendees, the slower the progress. Wait for everyone to join. If someone’s missing? Postpone. Their presence is critical to wasting everyone’s time.

Once the meeting starts, take the floor. Talk. A lot. Speak for so long that nobody dares multitask. Even better – randomly call on people to summarize what you just said. This ensures they stay glued to your words, just in case they’re next.

Bonus points if you invite senior management and insist everyone turn on their cameras. This adds pressure and ensures full attention is being paid… to absolutely nothing.

The ideal meeting? A completely useless all-hands. Talk about “corporate culture.” Announce the formation of a few new committees. Throw in some vague goals, sprinkle in words like “alignment” and “synergy,” and avoid action items at all costs.

Now that’s how you run a meeting – and stop any real work from getting done.I hope this article was helpful. If you want to get things done, reach out to me – I’m here to help!